Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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