I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
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I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
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And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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