He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
