I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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