If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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