Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
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He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
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You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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