I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize