True but thats because hes a fetus.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
