apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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