your room smells of hookers.
And success
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
