SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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