ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?