Texts From Last Night

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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Responsible fail?

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  (907): Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior? (773): Responsible fail? http://tfl.nu/nxhx
  Replies (19) Good night (1577) Bad night (5530)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!

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  (512): OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs! http://tfl.nu/zfxs
  Replies (7) Good night (793) Bad night (5260)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway

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  (603): you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway http://tfl.nu/lrgo
  Replies (6) Good night (4716) Bad night (1170)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?

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  (905): I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree? http://tfl.nu/z9hw
  Replies (11) Good night (3622) Bad night (1278)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified

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  (801): I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified http://tfl.nu/y3tt
  Replies (13) Good night (2664) Bad night (1278)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.

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  (903): As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix. http://tfl.nu/azut
  Replies (5) Good night (1509) Bad night (746)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)

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  (978): Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :) http://tfl.nu/2ww0
  Replies (8) Good night (1659) Bad night (788)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out

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  (505): Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out http://tfl.nu/4j6r
  Replies (12) Good night (614) Bad night (1157)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.

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  (603): I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin. http://tfl.nu/m6dy
  Replies (3) Good night (984) Bad night (435)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.

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  (614): I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time. http://tfl.nu/ekmz
  Replies (8) Good night (1294) Bad night (472)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.

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  (715): We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her. http://tfl.nu/sx8g
  Replies (4) Good night (1176) Bad night (450)
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  (562): View more from California

  When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.

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  (562): When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed. http://tfl.nu/ppx1
  Replies (0) Good night (661) Bad night (348)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?

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  (612): My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right? http://tfl.nu/aroa
  Replies (0) Good night (729) Bad night (341)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage

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  (919): You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage http://tfl.nu/24ub
  Replies (3) Good night (368) Bad night (828)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans

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  (443): Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans http://tfl.nu/4sr3
  Replies (0) Good night (507) Bad night (277)

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