If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
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