the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
