Texts From Last Night

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  (925): View more from California

  i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on

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  (925): i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on http://tfl.nu/khmy
  Replies (8) Good night (4342) Bad night (802)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie

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  (816): Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie http://tfl.nu/yzwd
  Replies (11) Good night (3207) Bad night (627)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward

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  (757): i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward http://tfl.nu/7d4o
  Replies (9) Good night (3490) Bad night (1078)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.

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  (406): Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care. http://tfl.nu/dahm
  Replies (8) Good night (889) Bad night (3006)
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  (562): View more from California

  He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome

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  (562): He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome http://tfl.nu/u3j0
  Replies (6) Good night (2613) Bad night (726)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong

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  (419): My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong http://tfl.nu/lmgu
  Replies (10) Good night (1876) Bad night (745)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.

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  (303): I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes. http://tfl.nu/g3e8
  Replies (4) Good night (1114) Bad night (484)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again

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  (704): Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again http://tfl.nu/mnjw
  Replies (5) Good night (1318) Bad night (556)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.

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  (507): You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success. http://tfl.nu/320u
  Replies (6) Good night (1565) Bad night (539)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.

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  (918): I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated. http://tfl.nu/rg2y
  Replies (2) Good night (964) Bad night (409)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing

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  (214): when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing http://tfl.nu/yb6j
  Replies (6) Good night (609) Bad night (443)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.

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  (307): Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry. http://tfl.nu/ia83
  Replies (1) Good night (509) Bad night (311)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after

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  (602): I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after http://tfl.nu/x9h9
  Replies (0) Good night (518) Bad night (363)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob

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  (225): there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob http://tfl.nu/syeg
  Replies (3) Good night (245) Bad night (432)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.

  (917): View more from New York City

  So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?

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  (914): Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid. (917): So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then? http://tfl.nu/rhd2
  Replies (2) Good night (458) Bad night (246)

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