All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...