You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France