just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.