dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
