I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
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Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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