did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize