She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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