I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
