I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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