Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
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i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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