I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Your dad touched me again.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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