Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Boobs are out for the taking
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
