hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
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Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
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just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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