I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital