So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room