apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria