my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is