FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.