Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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