Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
