tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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