Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
