Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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