im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends