Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
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Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass