You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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