That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
