Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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