Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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