Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I got inside last night via doggy door
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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