Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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