one might say we're banned from that church
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
That's an oxymoron.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage