he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
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I think I sprained my soul last night
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
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i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid