I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
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HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.