i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried