the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.