tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
