I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
