you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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