fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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