he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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