yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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