I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
