Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...