she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles