You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
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didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
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Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"