I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
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thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
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Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.