you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My first love was gay too, it's okay.