so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
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and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
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i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....