I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Randomize
