Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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