Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
