me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
