I could have mohawked her pubes.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
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Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
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Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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