I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
