I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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