I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
