spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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